love and affection or bad habit?

this is malachi with his friend jordyn. they are three months apart and see each other a couple times a week when i babysit her. i think they are beginning to have a little bit of a love/hate relationship. this picture is a perfect example. malachi loves to be affectionate with jordy and has picked up on my modeling of what you do when you are loving on someone...you bite them. well, not bite really. i have this horrible habit of 'chewing' on all malachi's chunky places, his cheeks, tummy, legs, arms...well just about everywhere. (in my defense though i'm not the only one who has this habit.) anyway, i think he has decided that's how you show love cause now he wants to do that to jordy except he's not always the best judge at how to do it gently. at the time i took this picture he was actually being very gentle and they were both giggling but she has gotten a little more than she bargained for a couple times.

Nothing much to say...

...but I figure I'll write something since I know how much I get excited when I see a new post on someone else's blog. Speaking of that, I have noticed that on just about everyone's blog that I check on a regular basis most people write in lower case only. And so I began to wonder, am I a total nerd that I have not made that transition? I considered this when I posted my first post and I almost retyped the whole thing in lower case to be in the in crowd. I didn't because I thought that was a dumb reason. Now I'm thinking it must not be to be cool but to make it easier. so maybe i'll try it too...:)

God is good!

Kurtis and I spent most the day on Friday trying to get more answers about our baby. After two ultrasounds, a pleasant, or at least comforting, meeting with our midwife and a not so pleasant one with a doctor we have never seen we came away with less hopefulness.

We did get the chance to see our baby on the ultrasound. It measured at 7 weeks 5 days, thus this was not a 'blighted ovum' because in that case the baby never begins to develop. It gave us some hope when we saw the baby, we expected to see nothing. Then we sat and watched, and waited to see any sign of movement and a heartbeat...we were not able to see any. We were with our midwife at this point and she said she wanted to send us for a formal ultrasound to be absolutely sure. Unfortunately, that one confirmed what we thought after the first.

We then had to meet with a doctor to discuss our options. I won't go into it here but neither of us were pleased with his bedside manners.

We chose to wait and let things proceed naturally...and who knew...maybe we could find out the doctor's were wrong and our baby would beat all the odds...

...not so. This morning the natural process of miscarriage began. It's sad and yet we have a great peace about it. God IS good. His plan is right. He loves us and knows what is best for us.

AND in all of this we see answered prayers. I prayed that I could be at home, with Kurtis when it all started...and in fact that is what has happened. It began today, not tomorrow or Tuesday or Wednesday when I have plans to watch a friends baby.

AND now we can see God's great mercy on us in allowing us to not be taken by surprise. I have felt very frustrated about being in limbo about this, not quite knowing what was going on. But this morning Kurtis and I were both grateful that we were given the chance to prepare, as best we could, for this. I know many people do not have that opportunity and I can only imagine how much more difficult that would be.

AND what an amazing opportunity this was to be cared for and prayed for by those we love. Thank you to all that have been a part of this with us.

I must be getting old!

I can't really remember how many people I have told about my upcoming appointment with my midwife. All I know is that I've told everyone that I will be going in on Thursday to get another ultrasound to check on our baby. Well, today I realized that I didn't know the time of my appointment so I proceeded to call Kaiser to get that info. How stupid I felt when the person also informed me that my appointment is not on Thursday but on Friday. Great...now I'm going to have to inform everyone of this minor error on my part or else I can expect to be very frustrated on Thursday when all these friends call me to find out how my appointment went.
Yet another sign I'm not the spring chicken I used to be...

Can we be cool too?!

Seems like everyone and their mother...well maybe not mothers, at least not mine because to her it's crazy to put personal info on the internet for the world to see, anyway...seems like a lot of people have blogs now. I love reading about what is going on in everyone else's world and had the crazy idea that maybe some of those people would like to know about our life too.

I must admit that I tried this blog thing once before and failed miserably. I posted once and only once because it took me so stinkin' long to write the post due to the fact that I had the hardest time deciding on exactly how to word everything just so. Well, this time my goal is to avoid being obsessive and just write. Plus being that this blog is for our family I figure Kurtis can post sometimes too. Haven't really discussed that with him yet but he'll soon find out what he has unknowingly signed up for. And if this thing lasts for any length of time our kids can join in the fun. :)

Speaking of kids...

...our firstborn enjoyed a day out in the sun today. Well, not sure how much he enjoyed it. He doesn't like walking on the dead grass in our backyard and he was a little fearful of the Elmo sprinkler.
...I'm pregnant with our second child or at least that is our prayer. We are unsure right now as to whether this baby is developing normally or if it has already passed away. I found out I was pregnant on April 14. On the 30th I went in for my first appointment. It was at this time that my midwife mentioned the possibility of this, that is the baby, being a 'blighted ovum.' I won't go into the description of this I figure you can Google it if you're curious but to make a long story short my hormone levels have not been increasing at a normal rate so we won't know anything for sure until the 18th of May when I go in for another ultrasound. It is confusing to be in this state of limbo, not knowing whether to grieve a loss or continue being excited about having a second child. We have all the confidence in God's perfect plan and know that whatever happens He will bring good out of it.

Well, I think I have neglected my responsibilities long enough...that's all for now.